Without You
by PacificRomance
Summary: Once you are...gone, my life will consist of her. I promise to take care of her. She'll be happier than either of us ever was. Even if it kills me, she'll never know anything but support and happiness..."
1. Chapter 1

Cancer.

And with that one word, Chuck pulled out his cell phone and walked out of the room, intent on securing the best doctors. Only the very top of their fields could be counted on to treat Blair Bass.

After Chuck ran out, Blair remained, calmly talking to the doctor about possible treatments and her options. It didn't look good, but she knew Chuck would never accept any sort of negative outlook, especially without consulting top specialists from around the world. So she let him work his magic and get her appointments with doctors in different cities, countries and continents. She went through treatment after treatment, new experiments and constant medication changes. Despite the work of all the doctors, Blair continued to get weaker and weaker, until the doctors agreed, there was nothing left to do. Her time was running out.

Chuck refused to accept it. He held out for a miracle healing. But once Blair knew things were coming to an end she refused to sit back and let her husband live in denial.

She started showing him the little things that she always did. Making the grocery and chore lists for the maid, keeping an eye their stocks and funds, letting the cook know the meal plan for the week, and most importantly, she told him all about what he would need to know to raise their 3-year old daughter, Audrina, all on his own. She taught him about doing hair and picking out outfits, how to work pull-up diapers and stockings, how to give a bath and put her down for a nap. She also talked to him about when she was older. About hormones and dating. About college and marriage. Any issue he might encounter with their daughter she tried to address.

Chuck wasn't the most receptive audience, insisting Blair would be around to deal with all these issues, but she still talked about it regardless. He needed to be ready.

In Blair's last few days, Chuck finally began to accept that she was truly leaving him and she talked to him about all that she wanted for him and for Audrina. Chuck was too distraught to disagree with anything she said.

Blair was lying in bed, with machines hooked up to her, determined to remain at home, no matter how bad it got. Chuck was lying beside her one night, with his head rested on her shoulder.

"I can't do this without you" he whispered into her shoulder.

"Chuck..."

"You're the only thing that keeps me human. I'm nothing but a devil without you" He half-cried against her.

"C'mon Bass. If I didn't know better I would think you were sounding needy right now" Blair tried to lighten the mood.

"I do need you" It was a simple statement but the pain laced through the words caused Blair's heart to break even more.

"Chuck, you CAN do this. I've seen you with Audrina. You are a great father. And she adores you! I know you'll be fine"

"How can you know that??" he responded angrily. "What if I become like Bart? What if Audrina ends up having the same loveless childhood I did?" He questioned sadly.

"Charles Bass. Look at me." He lifted his head at her commanding tone. Hearing it made it easy for him to forget how sick she was. "I swear to God, if you begin to act anything like your father I will make you life a living hell."

"How could you possibly do that? My life will be hell if you're dead. What are you going to do? Haunt me?" Chuck sneered.

"No. The opposite."

"So you won't haunt me? Wow, that's quite the punishment Waldorf."

"Are you saying you wouldn't like it if you could still see my ghost and feel my spirit in this house after I die? Come on Bass, I know you better than you know yourself and I know you would enjoy every second of me haunting you. Which is exactly why I wouldn't haunt you if you turned into Bart. Our daughter will not grow up like we did! She will be loved and secure and happy. She will not be raised by the help. I don't even want you to hire a nanny. Period. You will not be bringing a parade of whores through this house giving our daughter a skewed image of what a real relationship is like. You won't be jetting off around the world, leaving her here on her own to raise herself. You will support her with whatever she wants to do and make sure she can do whatever she wants to do. And you won't cut her off from Lily and Serena and Eric. They are the loving family you and I never had. Let her enjoy it, as much as you might hate it. Don't isolate yourself or Audrina from your family and from the world."

"Blair..."

"Chuck. You can do it. I'll help you. I promise. And I want you to be happy. If that means finding someone else..." at this he scowled and grunted, "or going back to your womanizing ways, then do it. I won't be upset. Just don't do it in front of Audrey. Please. Just be happy" she pleaded with him.

He sighed and pressed a kiss to her hair. "Well I can guarantee there will be no whores. Who would have guessed that at the ripe old age of 28 notorious playboy Chuck Bass would become a celibate single father."

"Chuck, please. Don't cut yourself off for my sake. I'll be dead. I want you to move on...even if it's with sluts and whores; outside of this house of course. You do not need to give up sex because you can't have it with me. Come Chuck, really. How long have you ever gone without sex? A few weeks? Don't torture yourself! And if you find someone that you care about..."

"Not going to happen" He interrupted.

Blair gave him a look. "Remember what I just said? Don't isolate yourself. If you meet someone else, I want you to be happy"

"I could never be happy with anyone but you" He whispered against her ear. "Once you are...gone..." It was still hard for him to say it out loud, "My life will consist of Audrey most importantly, and then Bass industries. Got to keep the little Queenie's trust fund stocked up."

Blair rolled her eyes. "Like it would ever run out. She's gonna be one of the wealthiest children ever."

"And I plan on keeping it that way"

Sensing his resolve, Blair decided to let the topic drop. "Fine Chuck. If you want to refrain from sex for the rest of your life that is your choice. I'm too tired to argue with you anymore."

And seeing the truth behind her words, Chuck decided to let her rest. He pulled her towards him until she was lying down with her head on his chest and her eyes beginning to close.

As she drifted off to sleep, Blair heard her husband whisper, "I promise to take care of her. She'll be happier than either of us ever was before we had each other. Even if it kills me, she'll never know anything but support and happiness..."

-----------------

3 days later Blair was gone. She died with Chuck and Audrina by her side, quietly in the bed she and Chuck shared.

Throughout the wake, the funeral, and the 2 weeks that followed Chuck kept to himself. He didn't really talk to anyone. When forced to speak to answer questions from the caterer, or funeral director, or Serena, or Nate, he answered in short, simple sentences, preferably consisting of one word, never dropping the steely expression from his face.

Despite his promise to Blair, in those 2 weeks he could not bring himself to even look at Audrina. She was just too much like Blair. From her wavy dark hair to her big eyes, she was the spitting image of her mother. And the way she carried herself, even at the age of 3, was too much like Blair for Chuck to bear.

Finally, Serena couldn't stand it anymore. She knew that the only way for Chuck to pull himself together was to get him to focus on his daughter. So she came over to Chuck and Blair's apartment with Audrina, whom she had been taking care of with Dan, and marched right into the bedroom where she found Chuck lying on the bed in a wrinkled suit, that was obviously from a night or 2 before.

As she slammed the door Chuck snapped to attention and Audrina cried out "Daddy!" as she began to struggle against Serena's hold to go to the father she hadn't seen since the funeral. Serena set the girl down and instantly Audrina was in her father's arms.

"Hey Audrey" Chuck whispered slowly.

Audrina lifted her head and looked into Chuck's eyes and said "Daddy, I love you" At those 4 simple words both Chuck and Serena began to tear up. Serena quietly left the room.

Hearing his daughter say those 3 words that had been so difficult for both him and Blair to say made him remember how much he loved this little girl and brought to mind the promise he had made to Blair. He realized that this little girl was his last remaining, living piece of Blair. The fact that Audrina was so much like her was a blessing, not a curse. And from that day on Chuck lived up to the promise he made to Blair to make their daughter's happiness by far the most important part of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

_Blair,_

_Audrey started her first day of school today. It's actually quite ironic that on the day I lost my Queen B I also lost my little Queenie to the New York prep school system. Ever since I got her back after my mild collapse following the funeral, Audrey has been a constant part of my days. I had worked out my schedule so that she could spend a few hours a day with Lily or Serena and I would do the rest of my work at home once she was asleep at night. Now I'm spending a full day without her at work. Needless to say, the day is dragging. You obviously know how difficult it was for me to go any length of time without seeing you or hearing your voice, and with Audrey it's the same way._

_When you said that I was going to be an obnoxious, overbearing, protective father you were completely right. I will admit it. During my lunch hour I planned on stopping by the school, just to make sure Queenie was doing alright. To see if she had taken control of the school yet, or if she had bullied some punk kid to get the best toys, or if she had then charmed the teacher into thinking she was completely innocent. Just imagining it makes me so proud._

_But I know I can't go checking up on her. So I came here to the cemetary by you instead. I've been coming here at least once a week. I know you're not really here, I'm not that delusional, but just being here, I don't know, it gives me perspective. It clears my head. It makes me feel like you are closer to me somehow. Wow, maybe I am getting soft. I need to smoke some weed, bang a hooker, get my edge back. This is what you've done to me Waldorf. You've made me a sentimental, dependent old man. _

_But I'm not going to do anything to change that. I'm not going to go out. I'm not going to get high (I'm pretty sure Audrey needs me to be competent), I'm not going to get a hooker (you clearly stated that they were not allowed in the house). Basically Blair, it's come down to the fact that you've changed me; completely and irrevocably. Now I'm a husband (yes even though you are dead, you are still my wife) and a father. I'm a CEO and a philanthropist. _

_That devil is still hidden inside me somewhere, don't worry. I know how you love him (and how he gets your blood going). But without your hidden vixen, there seems to be no reason to bring out my inner devil. Maybe when Audrina gets older and starts dealing with bitches and playboys I'll have to take a dark turn to teach them a lesson so they don't mess with her. I guess we'll deal with that when it comes._

_I love you and I miss you. Audrey does too._

_Chuck _


	3. Chapter 3

_Blair, _

_So our little Queenie is officially a high school student. And in true Waldorf form, she has already taken control of the school. I wish you could see her; she had control of Constance in less than a week. You would be so proud. Her right hand woman, of course, is Elizabeth Humphrey. They've become nearly inseparable, much like you and my dear step-sister back in the day. In fact, Gossip Girl (yes, she's still around) has taken to calling Audrey and Beth 'Blair and Serena 2.0'. _

_They are so much like you two, only better, not to discredit you or Serena. They have all of your good points without your greatest weaknesses. Beth is sweet and bubbly, with Serena's stunning good-looks. But she is also intelligent, observant, and less self-absorbed, like her Brookylnite father._

_And Audrey, well she is the spitting image of you. She has your brown, doe eyes and your rich brunette curls. She walks into a room and commands attention. She is proud and authoritative. She is intelligent and witty. But she also has the confidence and self-assurance that your mother's criticism always prevented you from truly having. _

_Audrey loves being the Queen. She loves getting her way and being in the spotlight. This works out great with Beth because the Humphrey side of her is perfectly content to be on the sidelines as the second-in-command (I wouldn't call her a sidekick, her Vander Woodsen blood brings more power than that). They have the life-long friendship that you and Serena had without the pettiness and backstabbing that comes from insecurity. _

_Not that being Queen has been all rainbows and daises for Audrey. As you would know, being on top leads to a few enemies. Audrina came home after her first day at Constance telling me how some jealous junior called her a 'little bitch.' She seemed slightly upset, but I couldn't help but laugh. I told her that given the fact that she is half Waldorf and half Bass, she was destined to be a selfish bitch. I told her she really had no choice and she should be proud of her genes and her bitchiness, because I sure was. I also may have mentioned having the girl kicked out of Constance, but Audrey assured me that was not necessary._

_Don't worry. My encouragement won't lead to her eventually downfall. She'll be fine. She has Beth. And she has a close group of friends (not minions like Kati and Iz). She also has quite the group of potential suitors. _

_See, unlike her mother, my little Queenie has managed to make it to high school without ever having a real, serious boyfriend; but she is definitely looking for one now that she's 'grown up' (her words, not mine). At this point, it seems that the candidates with the most potential are William Avuldsen, Andrew Farkas (the child of one of Kati's cousins), and, my least favorite, Bradley Archibald. _

_Me and Nate patched things up years ago, of course. He forgave me for stealing your heart and I forgave him for abusing it before it was mine. But the idea of his son with my….your….OUR daughter; it just doesn't sit well with me._

_Plus, he doesn't get along too well with my personal favorite choice for Audrey, Ryan Vander Woodsen. Ryan was adopted by Eric and Jonathon when he was eight years old and he has been sort of a rebel here on the Upper East Side. He skips class. He smokes. He drinks. He parties. He sleeps around. He has very little respect for authority._

_Sound familiar?_

_I think that's why I like him so much. And it's probably also the reason that Audrina hates him with such a passion. Whenever I bring up poor Ryan, Audrey gets that cute little scowl on her face, which reminds me so much of you, and makes some scathing comment about his personality, his clothes, his looks. You name it, she criticizes it. _

_It sounds so much like our early relationship that it is very difficult for me not to push them together. But first of all, as Audrey keeps reminding me, 'Ryan Vander Woodsen does NOT do relationships, he just has sex' (If he wasn't born after you and I had gotten together, I would seriously question whether this boy was some illegitimate child of mine), and secondly, I know you would not want me to push our daughter into anything she doesn't want to do. So if she wants to date that pansy Archibald, I will let her. I'm sure she and Ryan will find each other eventually. They are too much like us to be able to stay apart._

_I still love you._

_Chuck_


	4. Chapter 4

"Dad, let's go. Get your bowtie so we can leave or we're going to be late!" Audrina scolded her father as she stomped around their apartment looking for the last minute objects she needed to put in her purse.

"Relax Queenie. Everyone knows the party doesn't start until the Basses arrive. Plus, it's not like the Vander Woodsens are known for their punctuality." Chuck stated from his slouched position in his favorite chair where he watched his daughter scurry about as he nursed a scotch (He need something to help him relax before the torturous night he was about to endure).

"Daddy please! This isn't a party, its dinner with Lily and Rufus; and I think you would agree that it is far cry from any sort of party"

"Touche" Chuck stated with a slight tip of his glass.

"And I need to get there before dinner actually starts! I have to talk to Beth about the disaster that is prom!"

"Queenie, I'm sure you will have plenty of time to plot out your perfect prom" Chuck smiled reassuringly.

"Not at this rate! My dress is behind schedule, my hair appointment is way too early, and Brad is way too apathetic about the whole thing! All he wants to do is get laid, and he better know that isn't going to happen with me, especially at something as cliché as prom!" Audrina huffed before letting out a sigh. "I just want it to be perfect. Please Daddy; can you get ready so we can leave?"

"Ok, ok. Just give me 5 minutes" And with that Chuck slowly got to his feet and made his way to his bedroom to get ready for another fun-filled family dinner.

---

It was a typical Vander Woodsen-Humphrey dinner. Serena and Dan were there with their 3 kids; Elizabeth, Daniel Jr., and Edward; Eric and Jonathon were there with their son Ryan, and Jenny was there with whichever one of her models she was currently seeing.

Chuck hated these dinners. Lily and Rufus had them about once a month, just so that 'the family could stay connected,' but Chuck only went to about 4 of them of year (Christmas, Thanksgiving, once around Audrina's birthday, and then once more randomly at some point in the year if he was feeling generous or if Audrina was able to convince him to go). He wouldn't go at all if he hadn't promised Blair that he would keep Audrey connected with the Vander Woodsen family. Plus, he didn't mind catching up with Eric, whom he had always been quite fond of. But as for the rest of the Vander Woodsen/Humphreys, well, let's just say there is a reason Chuck always had some scotch before these dinners began.

As was routine on these evenings, Audrey and Elizabeth spent the time before dinner whispering in the corner and exchanging barbs with Ryan while the younger children escaped to the upper rooms to escape the quiet talk of the adults. Chuck went straight to the bar, poured himself yet another glass of scotch and went to sit and pretend to listen to the chatter of the family. The Vander Woodsen/Humphreys had long ago learned that Chuck didn't come to these dinners to socialize, so it was useless to try and drag him into the conversation. They would ask him a few polite questions about Audrina and about Bass Industries, and then they would move on and let him sit and brood off by himself.

When everyone gathered around the table for dinner, the conversation quickly came to focus on the 3 teenagers and their plans for college.

"So Audrey, Beth tells me you have finally decided on Yale. Am I correct?" Serena asked with polite interest.

"Oh yes. After looking at the programs at Harvard and Princeton it really was not a hard decision at all. Yale was the only choice. It is just the perfect school. It has everything I'm looking for!" Audrina gushed.

"That's wonderful. I bet your mom would be so proud and excited!"

"She would have been proud no matter where Audrina decided to go" Chuck cut in.

Serena backtracked quickly, "Well of course. I was just saying that Blair obviously would be approving of Audrey's decision"

"And _I _was just stating that Blair wouldn't care where Audrey chose to go-"

Eric saw how Chuck's temper was rising and quickly cut in "Yes, well Yale is a wonderful school. I bet you are very excited, huh Audrina?"

"Oh yes! I can't wait for the fall!" She grinned.

"That's just great. And right now we're looking for a car for Ryan so if you want you can always come home with him, and then you don't have to take the train when you decided to come home."

"Wait, what?" Audrina got a confused look on her face.

"Haven't you heard Queenie? I, too, have also decided to attend the historic Yale University this coming fall." Ryan smirked as he threw his arm over Audrey's shoulder. "It'll be great. We can drive out together and go to some frat parties, maybe pull some _all nighters_, if you know what I mean" Ryan raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner as he began to move his other hand to Audrey's thigh.

"Ew. Don't get any ideas Vander Woodsen" Audrina said as she pushed him away. "At Yale I won't be socializing with sleazy scum like you"

"Ouch, Bass, that almost hurt. But I'll let it slide because I know you have some pent up sexual frustration. Maybe once we take care of that you'll be a little more agreeable."

"Ew. Again. Please, don't flatter yourself" Audrina said with disgust in her voice.

"Ok, that's enough you two" Lily broke in. "So Audrey, Beth, are you two excited for Prom next week?"

"Oh yes!" Both girls exclaimed. And with that the dinner continued in its traditional, polite and formal way. By the end of the night Chuck was irritable, exhausted and ready to get in the limo and head back home, but when he watched Audrina embrace both Lily and Serena as she said good-bye he knew that allowing his daughter to be part of a big, loving family was worth all the discomfort and awkwardness he had suffered through that night.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: ok so the next chapter or 2 aren't really going to have much/any of Chuck or Blair. They are mostly going to focus on Audrina, but Chuck will be back, don't worry! Also, thanks for all the reviews! This is my first story so all the feedback helps!

---------------------------

The night of the Prom arrived and despite her flawless make-up, perfect curls, and her dress fit for a princess, Audrina Bass was out in the lobby outside the ballroom barely able to hold herself together.

"So I'm assuming your painstakingly planned perfect night hasn't turned out how you expected." Audrina turned her head at the low, smooth voice that had been the bane of her existence for the past ten years.

"And you rubbing it in my face, Vander Woodsen, is not helping. Thanks." She snapped at the smirking boy standing before her.

"What troubles you my Queen?" Ryan asked in his typical condescending tone.

"First of all, I am not _yours_…"

"…yet..."

"…Nor will I ever be. Get over it. And more importantly, my prom is turning into a complete disaster! The humidity is ruining my hair, I can't breathe in this dress, and Brad is gone. When we win Prom King and Queen, I will look like a complete idiot when I can't find my date!"

"Ok, first of all Bass, you still look perfect; like royalty. Stop fishing for compliments. And secondly, what do you mean Brad is gone? I'm sure he just stepped out for a smoke or to use the bathroom." Ryan tried to comfort her in his own way.

"No. He's gone. I saw him getting into our limo with that junior whore, Emily. I'm pretty sure he's going to be busy for awhile. At least someone is reaching their goals tonight." Audrina voice broke as she finished. Ryan could see she was on the verge of tears, but he was still very confused.

"What are you talking about Bass?"

"Come on Ryan, don't you pay attention at all? I took Brad to prom because I wanted the perfect, fairytale prom and he is the perfect prom date. He asked me because he wanted to fuck a virgin on prom night. When I discouraged his pathetic attempts at seduction of course he turned to the first easy slut that became available" Audrina felt a single tear escape and fall down her face. But before she could wipe it away Ryan Vander Woodsen, the most notorious playboy on the Upper Eastside since her very own father, reached up and wiped it away.

"You don't want to ruin your make up; especially if you are going to be prom queen. Everyone will be looking at you" He spoke softly, but still with a smug undertone to his words.

"There is no way I'm going back in there just to be humiliated in front of everyone!" Audrina cried indignantly.

"You won't be. I'll make sure of it"

And with that, Ryan led Audrina back to the doors of the ballroom. They paused outside for a second, Ryan's hand on the door knob as Audrina took a second to collect herself.

"What exactly do you plan on doing?" She asked skeptically.

As Ryan pulled the door open for the Constance Queen's reentrance, he replied smoothly, "Oh, you'll see. Don't worry"

………………….

"And the Constance prom queen is none other than Audrina Bass!"

It was a short while later and the time had come for the results of the voting for king and queen. As expected, Audrina had won easily. She made her way up to the stage with her head held high and shoulders back, walking in the proud way that she always carried herself, like she was royalty among peasants. But even as she walked through the crowd with such confidence, internally she was having a breakdown. She still had no idea what Ryan was planning, and to be honest, she did not trust him. She would not be surprised if all he had said before about a plan had been a bunch of lies and he really just wanted to see her crash and burn in front of everyone.

Audrina reached the stage and received her crown. She continued to smile and wave like the Queen that she was as the person announcing the results moved back to the mike.

"And the St. Jude's prom king is…" As the announcement was made, Audrina braced herself for the humiliation that was coming, "…Ryan Vander Woodsen!"

There was an audible gasp of shock among the students. While Ryan was well known among the students and a fixture at all the hottest parties, and while he had hook up with most of the junior and senior class at Constance, his attitude and habits did not exactly make him popular among the students. There is no way he would legitimately be voted prom king.

Everyone had looks of surprise and shock on their faces, including Audrina, who stood on stage with her mouth agape as Ryan sauntered up to the stage with his typical smug grin on his face. He continued to smirk as he received his crown and as he led Audrina out onto the dance floor for their dance.

As the song began, Audrina finally grasped what exactly happened and 'accidently' stepped (stomped) on Ryan's foot.

"Ow! Geez Bass, for someone who just got their ass saved, you sure are acting pretty ungrateful" Ryan cringed.

"I can't believe you fixed the ballots!"

"I told you I had a plan, and it worked out perfectly" Ryan stated smugly as his victorious smirk returned.

"Not perfectly. Everyone is suspicious! You could have at least made the winner someone plausible, like Andrew or William or anyone but you!" Audrina hissed into his ear as they continued to dance.

"Now why would I let one of those douches dance with you? They would pale in comparison to your beauty and spirit. Plus, everyone is so caught up in my amazing upset victory that no one is wondering where the front-runner, and your perfect date, is at this very moment. And once they realize he is missing, they all will just assume his is sulking about his loss"

Audrina almost stopped dancing as she processed what Ryan had said. After a moment a small smirk appeared on her face.

"Wow Vander Woodsen, I am genuinely impressed. While I still think you had ulterior motives, I will admit you created quite the distraction. As much as I hate to admit it, you really pulled through….and um, thanks…for your help."

Ryan smirked bigger as he pulled Audrina closer and he leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Oh, I'm sure you can make it up to me later"

"Ew, you are completely disgusting!" Audrina shoved him away as the song came to a close, but she didn't stalk off the dance floor. Instead she gave him a small smile as she said "But I really do appreciate you help, even if you did have some sort of inappropriate repayment in mind, which you must know you will not be receiving" and with that, she went to move past him, but Ryan caught her arm.

"How about just another dance?" Ryan asked her, his trademark smirk oddly absent from his expression.

"Are you serious?" Audrina looked doubtfully up at him.

"Well your date _is_ missing in action, and we _are_ King and Queen…"

Audrina remained skeptical, "Won't that hinder your whole plan of going stag so you can get with as many girls as possible? Dancing with me won't help you at all in your pursuit."

"Eh, the bitches will wait. Plus, what's the point of going after second rate sluts when I have the best girl, the queen, right here?" Ryan pointed out as his smirked once again returned.

Audrina could find no argument to that, and she was now officially dateless. Plus, Beth and her date, Vanessa's son Cole, had left shortly after the king and queen were announced. Audrina realized that if she turned Ryan down she would just end up sitting at her table by herself while everyone else danced. Faced with that depressing alternative, she accepted Ryan's hand with a begrudging look on her face as she stated "Don't get any ideas about this dance leading to anything else"

Ryan chuckled softly as they began to sway to the music. Audrina tucked her head into his shoulder and he placed his chin on her head. "I wouldn't dream of it Queenie."


	6. Chapter 6

After prom, graduation came and went and in that final summer before everyone went off to college it seemed as if everything was the same, but there were some subtle changes that would go unnoticed by the most casual observers. Beth began spending more and more time in Brooklyn. Chuck began rearranging his schedule and even clearing it completely so he could spend more and more time at home in order to spend as much time as possible with his daughter before she moved out to Connecticut. And Bradley Archibald's reputation with the Upper Eastside teenage girls decreased significantly after some rumors started about his poor performance in bed and his occasional inability to hold an erection.

But one change that pretty much everyone seemed to take notice of was the expanding relationship of Audrina Bass and Ryan Vander Woodsen. Sure, they had always been considered friends, with their families being so close and all, but after the whole prom fiasco they seemed to become closer than they had ever been before. His limo was seen outside her building at all hours, either picking her up or dropping her off. And she was seen going in and out of his building almost every day of that summer. It appeared that while Audrina had lost her best friend to the slums of Brooklyn for the summer, she had found a suitable replacement in Beth's cocky, vulgar cousin who had always been more of their friend by default because of who his parents were.

This day was like any typical summer afternoon for Audrina and Ryan. They were at his apartment, in his room. Audrina was on her laptop, catching up on the latest fashion trends and the latest gossip while she also used her blackberry to find out what social event or party was going on that evening. Ryan, on the other hand, was lounging on his bed with the TV muted, dozing in and out of sleep.

When Audrey came across yet another picture of Beth and Cole walking around Brooklyn hand in hand, she slammed her computer shut and turned towards Ryan. "I still don't see what she sees in that piece of trash from Brooklyn" She stated with the jealousy she felt evident in her voice and on her face. Even though she and Ryan had become closer since prom, she still missed the quality time she used to spend with her best friend.

Ryan opened his eyes and gave her a quizzical glare. "Have you forgotten that I grew up in the Bronx?"

Audrey gave him a blank look and said simply "Well sure, but that's different"

"Oh really?" He arched one brow with a cold look on his face.

"Yes. If you had not been adopted by Eric and Jonathon I would think you wouldn't have the right to associate with us either" Audrina stated matter-of-factly.

"You are such a bitch" Ryan said slowly with venom dripping from his voice.

Audrina was genuinely surprised at his tone and anger. "What? Can you honestly say that if you were from Brooklyn or the Bronx and you saw a girl like me or Beth walking down the street you would feel entitled to walk up to us? No. You would know your place"

What she was saying seemed so logical to Audrina. Cole was beneath Beth. Plain and simple. Ryan would be beneath them too, if he had remained in the Bronx. But he hadn't. He grew up in the Upper Eastside and he had been accepted into their world. It was just like he had always been a part of it.

"You know, maybe you're right Audrey. Maybe I don't belong here. It's not my place" Ryan said as he sat up and moved to the edge of his bed.

"What does that even mean?" Audrina asked getting more confused and angry by the minute. That wasn't what she meant at all. Ryan knew he was better than any Brooklyn trash. He had to know. Of course he belonged in Manhattan. He ruled the Upper Eastside.

"Maybe I should just take off. Get out of here. Leave New York behind"

Audrina was shocked and appalled at his words. Ryan couldn't leave New York while she was still there. It wouldn't be the same. "Don't be ridiculous, Ryan" She scoffed, desperately trying to look into his eyes as she spoke, but he kept his gaze focused on the ground.

"I'm not. You yourself admitted I'm not from here. I'm from the Bronx. I'm an outsider. I don't come from money. I don't even have any money! I'm a complete outsider."

"That's not true and you know it" Audrina said with a trace of urgency in her voice.

Ryan head snapped up as he met her gaze "Oh it's not? Really? You sure about that? I am just as much trash as Beth's little boyfriend is! Actually, I'm probably worse than him. I am nothing but a simple charity case. If I just bailed on Yale and hoped a jet to California, or Europe, or anywhere, if I just dropped off the map, sure the Vander Woodsen's would act upset for a while, but deep down they would be relieved."

Audrina rolled her eyes, "Oh come on Ryan; you know that's not true"

"No?" Ryan spat out, "Eric and Jonathon would be glad they could finally focus completely on their advocacy work without feeling guilty about leaving me alone all the time, and Lily would be glad the hard-earned Vander Woodsen fortune wouldn't be used to get a Yale education for the poor abused orphan piece of trash that her son dragged home and then left for her and Serena to take care of every other week."

As he spoke Audrina watched him and she realized how serious he was. He saw himself as a burden on the Vander Woodsens. He had no idea how much they really loved him. Her voice was full of compassion as she spoke, "Oh Ryan, Eric and Jonathon love you," Ryan sneered as he snorted at her words. "And so do Lily, and Serena, and Dan, and Beth." It sounded like she was almost pleading with him to believe her words.

Ryan glared at her, "No. They pity me. There's a difference."

"It's not like that" Audrina stated simply with a shake of her head.

"Oh but it is" Ryan said with a dark edge to his voice as he stood up and began to walk towards the door and exit his room, but Audrina stood up from her seat at his desk behind him, "Fine. _I _care about you. _I_ wouldn't want you to leave. I_ love_ you. You're not a charity case to _me_! Are you happy? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Ryan stopped with his hand on the door when she spoke. He glanced over his shoulder at her and growled, "Don't be ridiculous Bass."

"Ridiculous? Are you kidding me? I pour my heart out to you. I tell you I'd miss you; that I fucking _love_ you, and you tell me I'm being _ridiculous_?" Audrina was practically screaming at this point.

Ryan removed his hand from the door and turned around to face Audrina as he crossed his arms across his chest. "You're full of shit"

"And you are an idiot. Ask Beth. Ask my father. Ask Aunt Serena. They all can tell how much I fucking want you. I've wanted you for years now, but I knew your reputation. I knew you would never want to be with one girl and I could never just be one of your many conquests. So I tried to hide it. But they could all tell. _You _are about the only one who couldn't. I tried to deny my feelings for you, but that doesn't mean I was able to stop caring about you; that I don't still care about you. That I don't still want you." Audrina was pissed off by the time she was done speaking and she was glaring fiercely at Ryan.

Ryan dropped his hands to his sides as he stalked a few steps closer to her.

"Stop fucking with me" He commanded her.

Audrina got an incredulous look on her face, "Excuse me?" she said with the condescending attitude she was famous for.

"There is absolutely no way in hell you love me" He sneered as he narrowed the gap between them.

"Yes there i-"

"No!" He interrupted. "No. I know you too well. I've spent too much time watching you and hanging around you. I would have noticed. I would have known. There is no way you could love me without me knowing about it."

Audrina crossed her arms and gave him a patronizing look, "Well I guess you're not as perceptive as you thought." Then her voice became gentler, "Because I do, ok? I love you. You are obnoxious and conceited. You are disgusting and a manwhore. But you are witty and clever. You can keep up with my scheming and you don't judge me when I'm not perfect. You can take my bitchiness, but you don't let me walk all over you. You remind me so much of my dad and you're a lot like me. You are the only person I've ever met who could keep up with me and who I felt was actually an equal, even more so than Beth. So no, you are not just a charity case to me. And yes, I would miss you if you left. _I_ would miss you because I _love_ you."

Ryan continued to glare at her, "I don't believe you."

"And why the hell not?" Audrina asked with shock and anger.

"Because I can still remember the first time I met you; when Eric and Jonathon first brought me home from the adoption agency. I remember how you looked at me. Like, like I was the scum of the earth. Even then, you had been brought up to believe you were a queen. You knew that your Waldorf and Bass blood made you an Elite and you could recognize a plain old commoner like me even back then." Ryan and Audrina were only about a foot apart at that point and Ryan could no longer look Audrina in the eye. "That look of pure disdain in your eyes when you were eight years old. That is the reason I know you could never love me. You may have fooled yourself into thinking you care about me, but deep down you still have that Elitist mindset. There is no way you could ever be with some Bronx-born transplant like me. You are destined to marry some old money pretty boy, like Brad Archibald"

"Brad Archibald!?! You of all people should know how much I hate that son of a bitch!" Audrina cried indignantly. "There is no way I would ever marry him!"

Ryan caught her eye for a moment and shook his head as he spoke softly, "He's just an example."

When he saw the anger, desperation, and concern (not love. It couldn't be love) in her eyes, Ryan again turned his face away.

"Ryan"

Audrina's voice was filled with so much compassion. Gone was the anger that had been present just moments before. By the way he was avoiding her gaze and from the defeat she could hear in his voice she could tell that he was hurt. Audrina barely even remembered the first time she was introduced to Ryan. All she remembered was that Ryan had been a skinny little boy who was wearing clothes that were definitely hand-me-downs and he had a defiant look on his face; like he had been through hell and back and even though he knew he didn't fit into his new environment he would put up a damn good fight to make sure he survived. Audrina didn't even realize that she had judged him in that first meeting and that she probably had looked down on him. She understood now how much her judgment had affected him and hurt him.

Audrina took a step forward and closed the gap between them. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek in order to bring his eyes to meet hers, "I'm sorry I was a little bitch the first time you met me," Ryan snorted and tried to turn his head away again, but Audrina kept her hand firmly on his cheek, "But you can't hold that against me. I didn't even know you then! Once I was forced to hang out with you, I realized that while you may have come from the slums and poverty, you were born to be a member of the Upper Eastside. _That's_ the difference between you and Beth's Brooklyn boy. He's not suited for our lifestyle. He would be eaten alive here. But you, you thrive in this world. This is where you were always meant to be. So yes, you are from the Bronx. But Manhattan is your home. It's where you belong."

Ryan just stared at her with a slightly shocked look on his face. He can't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. He can't believe how accurate they sounded. And he really couldn't believe that he was buying into them.

Slowly Ryan reached for Audrina's hand that wasn't on his cheek. He leaned in until his face was right by her ear and said softly, "The only reason I slept around was because I couldn't have you. From the first meeting, when you gave me that cute little scowl, I was infatuated with you, but even at the age of eight I could tell that you would never want me; that I was beneath you. But, God, did I want you. I _still_ want you. I've never stopped wanting you."

Audrina pulled back to look into his eyes, to see if there was as much sincerity there as there was in his voice. "Ryan, I-" She began, but Ryan leaned forward at that moment and kissed her. Audrina was surprised at first, but then she began kissing him back. This was exactly what she wanted. It was what she had been wanting deep down for longer than she had even realized.

Ryan pulled back just a bit so that their foreheads were still touching and their lips were just centimeters apart. "I love you too." He whispered before he brought one hand up to the back of her head, wrapped the other around her waist and pulled her close as he began to kiss her again.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hello?" Ryan Vander Woodsen answered his phone groggily. It was almost noon, but he had had a late night the night before. He was currently out in the Hamptons along with most of his old high school classmates, including Audrina Bass. He and Audrina had been 'official' for about two weeks now, but the party last night had been their public debut as a couple and it had caused quite the stir. The attention caused them to have to remain at the party for far too long in Ryan's opinion, and by the time they had finished with their own private 'after party', it was closer to dawn than midnight. Ryan tried to get Audrina to stay at the Vander Woodsen house with him (he loved waking up to her) but she insisted that she had things to do in the morning and her father would be furious if she wasn't home when he woke up.

So while he was still disappointed he hadn't convinced her to stay overnight with him, he decided the second best option was having her phone call wake him up so her voice could be the first thing he heard.

"Aw did I wake you? I'm _so_ sorry!" Audrina answered with sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"I can tell you're really broken up about it" Ryan responded as he started to sit up. "Can I ask the reason you are calling at this ungodly hour? Not that I mind waking up to your sweet voice, though I'd rather hear it in person than over the phone…"

"You need to get up and get in the shower"

"Oh I do? Are you offering to come over here and help out with that?" Ryan asked suggestively.

"I already showered. And I did my hair and make-up. Sorry."

"Again, you sound really disappointed"

"And you do not sound like you are getting up and in that shower!" Audrina said with a huff.

"May I ask what the rush is?" Ryan asked as he began to get himself out of bed and over to the bathroom.

"You're coming over" Audrina answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I am? Did I miss the memo?" Ryan was genuinely confused at this point. He didn't remember making any sort of plans with Audrina yesterday.

Audrina sighed, "No, no. It's kind of a new development. But if you know what's good for you, you'll be over here in an hour."

Audrina had a mysterious tone to her voice that Ryan couldn't quite place, but he assumed it meant good things for him. Maybe she missed him last night and regretted leaving. Maybe he was in for quite the treat when he made it over to the Bass' house. "I'll be there, don't worry. I'm assuming there will be some sort of reward when I get there…" Ryan said suggestively with a smirk firmly in place.

"Something like that" Audrina replied vaguely, "An hour. Be here." And with that she hung up.

"I wouldn't miss it." Ryan said out loud even though she couldn't hear him as he put his phone down and went into the shower.

…………………..

When the maid let Ryan into the Bass's Hampton house exactly an hour later Audrina was waiting for him in the sitting room. When she saw him coming she got up and met him with a small smile on her face.

"You're here." She said as he took her into his arms and placed a quick kiss on her lips.

"Of course I'm here. You call and I come running." He smiled as he leaned in to kiss her again. But when he went to deepen the kiss, Audrina pulled away.

Ryan gave her a confused look. "Baby, what's the proble-"

"Ah, Ryan you made it."

Ryan turned to see none other than the legendary Chuck Bass standing in the doorway. Even though Ryan had spent many Vander Woodsen family dinners around Chuck, and though Audrina always talked about her father in glowing terms like he was completely harmless, Ryan was still scared shitless whenever Chuck walked into a room.

Ryan knew enough about Chuck's reputation, both as a teenager and as a business man to know that he should be afraid. Chuck Bass could destroy him. He could have Ryan kicked out of Yale before he even got there. He could ruin any chance he had at a career before he had even chosen what he wanted to pursue. He could probably have Ryan killed if he wanted to.

As far as Ryan knew, Chuck had never had much involvement in Audrina's love life before. He didn't think her father had met any of her previous boyfriends. Audrina had never been serious enough about any of them to subject them to Chuck's inevitable interrogation. While Ryan was thrilled that Audrina considered their relationship serious enough to bring him home to her father, he was still terrified of Chuck.

"Mr. Bass; how nice to see you." Ryan greeted as he shook Chuck's hand.

"You too Ryan. I'm glad you could join us for lunch today" At this Ryan shot a glare at Audrina, and in the same instant Chuck's phone rang.

"I'm sorry Queenie. I know I asked you to invite Ryan over today…" Ryan was glaring at Audrina with full force now, "…but I need to take this call really quick. I promise it will only take 2 minutes" Chuck gave his daughter a quick kiss on the forehead and then began to walk out. At the door way he paused and called over his shoulder; "I'll be right back. Don't get any ideas you two." He stared pointedly right at Ryan as he continued out of the room.

As soon as Chuck was gone, Ryan turned on Audrina. "What the Hell? You tricked me! You never said anything about lunch with your father!"

Audrina gave him a glare of her own "I know. I knew you would make up some excuse so you didn't have to come, so I may have left my father out of the invitation"

"You little bitch" Ryan tried to sneer, but he couldn't really pull it off. He was too frightened.

Audrina just started to laugh as she brought Ryan to sit with her on the couch. She snuggled close to him and Ryan put an arm around her shoulders.

Audrina took one look at Ryan's still worried face and laughed again. "Babe, he doesn't bite. You need to relax. He can smell fear and he preys upon it."

"I thought he doesn't bite?" Ryan answered bitterly.

Audrina giggled again. "He doesn't. But if you act like you're going to shit your pants he's going to question your manhood. And you don't want that. Trust me. My father won't bite, but he will ridicule you mercilessly. So pull yourself together before he gets back here."

Ryan looked at her with a completely serious face "Don't leave me alone with him"

"Oh God. Would you calm down? I promise I won't let him hurt you." Audrina continued to find her boyfriend's reaction to the situation extremely humorous.

"Why is your dad even here? It's a Tuesday afternoon. Doesn't he have a billion dollar company to run?" Ryan asked with a mixture of anger and fear still evident on his face.

"My father is taking an extended vacation this summer…" Audrina said slowly.

"He can do that?" Ryan asked skeptically.

"Of course. He's the boss. My father has always worked his schedule around me. He's always made sure he was home for breakfast in the mornings and dinner at night. My mom never wanted me to be raised by a nanny so my dad sacrificed sleep and hours at the office and probably a few million dollar business deals to make sure he was the one who raised me. And now that I'm on the verge of moving out, my dad is taking time off so we can spend as much time together as possible." Audrina finished with a shrug and a said tone in her voice, "I'm going to miss him so much when I'm at school."

"Audrey, we'll be only a few hours away. You can come home every weekend if you want." Ryan pointed out to his worried girlfriend.

"You don't understand. It won't be the same!" Audrina exclaimed, "I talk to my dad about everything. I'm going to be calling home like every day! It will be strange not to see him every day after school"

Ryan's face dropped in fear, "You talk to him about _everything_?"

Audrina frowned slightly in confusion, "Of course. My dad is _Chuck Bass_, remember? He has done things that are way worse than I have ever done."

"So you even talked to him about…us.....um….you know…" Ryan trailed off uncomfortably.

Audrina laughed. "No, actually. That is the one thing I have not talked to my dad about, though I'm pretty sure he knows."

"He knows!?! How?" Ryan exclaimed in fear. Chuck Bass was going to murder him. He deflowered his one and only daughter. That was it. He was a dead man.

"I'm Chuck Bass. I know everything." Chuck said as he reentered the room. "Sorry about that. Just a quick business issue I had to take care of. So Ryan, how do I know? That was your question, right?" Chuck took a seat in the chair next to the couch and set down his scotch.

Ryan's eyes got wide as he stuttered "Um, y-yes, yes sir."

Audrina had never seen Ryan so terrified or speechless and she could not help but laugh a little bit at his embarrassment.

"Well Ryan, having indulged in the pleasures of the sexual experiences more than once, actually, much more than once, and having deflowered my share of virgins back in my heyday; I know the look of a freshly christened first-timer. I know what the glow looks like, the expression that is on their faces afterwards. And I know my daughter well enough that I would be able to recognize those qualities on her. So yes, I know. And there was no way you could have ever hid it from me." Chuck finished with a smirk as he picked up his scotch and took a sip. "Now Audrey, could you please go help the maid set up lunch while I have a chat with young Ryan here?"

Aurdina slowly started to rise, "Ok Daddy" She said cautiously.

"Audrina…" Ryan began, giving her a pleading look.

"Don't worry" She tried to reassure him as she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "He will be nice, _won't he?_" She said as she turned and glared at her father.

"Of course. Who is nicer than Chuck Bass?" Chuck answered with a smirk.

Audrina smiled as she moved towards the door, "Just about everyone. So please, take it easy on the poor boy." She was at the door way when she turned to give Ryan one last apologetic glance, "I'll let you both know when everything is ready"

"Ok Queenie. Thank you" Chuck called after her.

Once Audrina had left, Chuck leaned forward and turned his gaze back to a terrified Ryan. "So Vander Woodsen, what exactly are your intentions with my daughter?" He asked with a dark hint to his voice.

Ryan coughed and took a second to clear his throat, "I-, ah, well I-"

"I hope you're serious about her."

"I am" Ryan was able to choke out.

"If you know what is good for you, you won't hurt her" Chuck warned in a menacing tone.

"I wouldn't dream of it" Ryan said with as much confidence as he could muster given the situation.

"Because you obviously know she has never been as…._involved_ with anyone as she is with you"

"Yes sir" Ryan answered seriously.

Chuck settled back into his seat and cast a piercing look at Ryan. "Now as the boy who stole my one and only daughter's virginity, I should have you castrated…" Ryan's eyes got a bit wider at Chuck's words, "…but because Audrey seems to really like you, and because you seem to be committed to her, I will let you go with a warning…" Ryan visibly sighed with relief, "….if you _ever_ hurt her, or betray her, or leave her I promise I will make sure you regret it every day for the rest of your life."

Ryan gathered up every last ounce of courage he had and concentrated on being honest with Chuck. "Sir, you have no need to worry. I-, ah, I love your daughter. I would never, ever hurt her. You can trust me. I'm glad you can recognize how we feel about each other."

"Well, I've known how my daughter has felt for a while now, probably before she did. And it doesn't hurt that I was kind of rooting for you two all along." Chuck finished as he took another sip of his scotch.

Ryan could not believe what he just heard. "Um, excuse me?"

Chuck's signature smirk returned. "Let's just say you and my daughter remind me a lot of my wife and I back when we were your age. Audrey has always been a spitting image of her mother, and I see a lot of myself in you."

Ryan was genuinely shocked that Chuck would say something as complementary as comparing Ryan to himself, but in the back of his mind he did remember Audrina saying the same thing. "Thank you, sir" he managed to choke out in his surprise.

"You better watch over her at Yale in the fall. I can't be there with her. It's time for me to let her grow up. I'm counting on you Ryan to be there for her; to be good to her."

"I will. I promise. I will always, always be there for Audrey. I've been in love with her for years. All I want to do is take care of her" When Ryan spoke his voice was strong and he was able to look steadily at Chuck. He was completely confident in his feelings and what he was saying.

Chuck's smirk faded as he gave an approving nod, "I am trusting you with the most valuable thing I have. Something my billions of dollars could never replace. Don't prove me wrong. Don't let me down."

"I won't, Mr. Bass. I can assure you that will never happen." Ryan answered completely serious.

With that, Chuck put his scotch down and moved to stand up, "Well then, if we are agreed, let's go see if our lunch is ready shall we?"

Ryan had a slight smirk on his face as he followed Chuck out of the room and he answered, "Yes Sir."

After their little talk, Ryan was still scared shitless of Chuck Bass and the things he could do to him, but he understood Chuck a little bit better and he realized they had more than their reputation in common. They both wanted the absolute best for a certain brown-eyed, brunette Upper Eastside queen.


	8. Chapter 8

_Blair,_

_Well, it is finally official. Our daughter is engaged to be married. To Ryan Vander Woodsen. You know how I HATE to gloat, but I was right. I knew they were perfect for each other. He proposed last night, at their graduation party. Right before dinner, he called for everyone's attention and got down on one knee, in the middle of the party in front of all the guests. Of course Audrey loved the grand gesture and the attention, and of course she said yes. The Vander Woodsen's were thrilled, no surprise there, and Serena and Beth wanted to start planning the wedding that night. _

_I've known this day was coming soon. Ryan came to visit me a few weeks before their graduation to ask for my blessing. Of course, I wanted to intimidate the boy, but I've always had a soft spot for Ryan, and I couldn't pick someone better for Audrina. He's a good kid, that Vander Woodsen and he's got a lot of potential. I gave him a position at Bass Industries. If I had ever had a son, I imagine he would have been a lot like Ryan, so why not put my future son-in-law in position to eventually take over the family business? _

_Audrey has a job lined up to work as an editor. She's always been good at telling other people what they did wrong. I have complete faith that she will be wildly successful in her new position._

_Blair, as much as it scares the shit out of me, our little Queenie is grown up. At this point, I don't know what to think about it. I'm glad I was able to keep my promise to you and raise her right. I know you would be so proud of the woman she's become, I know I am. But soon enough, she's going to be out on her own, with her own life, completely separate from me. Sure, she was away at school, but she came home to stay with me at least once a month. And until she and Ryan get married next year, she is going to continue to live with me. She wants to be old-fashioned and wait until their married to live together (who would have ever guessed Chuck Bass's daughter would want to do something the old-fashioned way? It must be the Waldorf in her). Ryan's not too happy about it, but Audrina's always been stubborn. _

_But once they're married, I honestly don't know where that will leave me. Audrina is my life. She has been for the last two decades. When she has her own life, separate from mine, where does that leave me? She will still be in the city, but I'll only see her occasionally for lunch, and I'll get the sporadic phone call. She won't be spending a couple nights here a month. There won't be any more days where I'll wake up to find her already at the breakfast table. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. _

_I guess this is what they call 'empty-nest syndrome'. Wow, Chuck Bass has a syndrome that typically affects middle-aged, menopausal housewives. I have officially lost my balls. I should just surrender my man-card now. I can feel you mocking me from beyond the grave, Waldorf. _

_I'll just have to deal with my issues when the day comes for Audrina to leave. At least I still have a year to adjust. When she's gone, when she officially doesn't need me anymore, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll probably spend a good deal of time at Bass Industries, helping Ryan learn the ropes. Maybe I'll focus more on the work of the Blair Bass Cancer Foundation. _

_But work and charity functions, those will only fill up my days and my evenings. It's the nights that I'm worried about. Ever since your death, the nights alone have always been haunting. When Audrina is there and I need to escape the late-night demons I always just look in on her or I sit outside her room and listen to the faint sound of her breathing. She is physical proof that you were real and that you had loved me. But even in these last few years when Audrey was at school, I've realized that without her there I can't escape. I get overwhelmed with missing you. I feel like, like those first few weeks after your death. Like I'm alone and broken. It's hard for me to sleep at night when this happens, which seems to happen more and more frequently the longer I am alone. When the morning comes and I am able to distract myself, things get better, but I still have to suffer through the nights. The only place that seems to bring a small amount of comfort is your closet. _

_After your death I spent hours in that closet; just fingering through your clothes, trying to catch a hint of your scent. I tried my best not to disrupt anything (I know how you kept your closet meticulously organized), almost as if you were going to come back and need to find your favorite Gucci bag or your one-of-a-kind Valentino, or one of your many satin headbands. A few years later Serena had tried to get me to donate your clothes, but I couldn't bear to part with them. Now I've been spending nights there more and more frequently. It seems to be the only place in the whole fucking apartment that is peaceful. Your scent is long gone, but being around your clothes, so perfectly organized, it's soothing, almost as if you never left._

_I am going to be such a wreck after Audrina is married. _

_Please help me deal with it_

_Love, Chuck_

_--------------------------------------_

A/N: Ok, so the next chapter is probably going to be the last chapter. I already have it written, I just need to go over it a bit. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and reviewing! I really really really appreciate it!


	9. Chapter 9

My father died a week after Ryan and I got back from our honeymoon. The doctors said it was a massive, sudden heart attack, but Aunt Serena insists that his broken heart finally gave out.

At his funeral, Serena gave the eulogy.

"One of my favorite memories of Chuck is not so much unique as it is a testament to his character. It was about one year after Audrina was born and I had been watching her for the evening. When I went over to the Bass apartment, their maid let me in and I ventured into the house calling for them. Knowing Chuck and Blair like I did, I knew I had to be careful turning corners, never completely sure what I would walk in on."

Everyone chuckled knowingly at this statement.

Serena continued, "Well I wasn't disappointed. I entered the living room to find Chuck with one hand up his wife's skirt and the other inside her shirt as he was kissing her neck. When Blair saw me she immediately pulled away, while Chuck just looked back, grumbled 'Oh it's only her' and tried to pull Blair back to him. She pushed him back again saying 'AND Audrey. Please behave yourself.' With a spark in his eye Chuck responded in typical Bass fashion saying 'She has to learn how she came about eventually, might as well be now.'"

Once again, everyone laughed quietly at the scene they all could clearly imagine.

"Of course Blair stood up anyway, rolled her eyes and said something about him being disgusting as she kissed his forehead. She took Audrina and thanked me before turning back to Chuck. As I was walking out, I turned around to take one more look at the happy family and saw Blair holding the baby and sitting on Chuck's lap as she fawned over Audrina. But I was focused on Chuck, who could not tear his eyes away from his wife and child, with that fire still present in his eyes. I knew Chuck for basically my entire life, and I had never, ever seen such life and passion coming from him. Just seeing him with Blair and Audrina, with a _family_, anyone could tell that he was a man that could not get happier. In that moment, sitting in that room, he had everything he could ever want or need.

"Most of the world will remember Chuck for Bass Industries or for his dramatic turnaround from an unmotivated playboy to a majorly successful business man, but I will always remember him as the lost boy who never felt love until my best friend swept him off his feet in a burlesque club, as the boy who loved my best friend the way she always deserved but had never been loved before, as the boy who completed my own dysfunctional family."

By this point, Serena had tears streaming down her cheeks, and had to pause to keep from breaking down.

"After Blair died, Chuck was never the same. I'm not saying he had given up on life, because he hadn't. Whenever he looked at his daughter, whenever he saw her succeed, saw her smile, saw her happy in a way that he never was as a child; at those moments just a hint of that spark could be seen in Chuck Bass.

"I knew Chuck when he was a drugged out, careless teenager. I knew him when his father died and he discovered his heart. I knew him when he was finally happy, and I knew him after the source of that happiness was taken from him. Knowing Chuck like I did, I can honestly say that I believe the only reason Chuck lived for as long as he did was for his daughter, Audrina. If she had not been born I can guarantee that he would have left to be with Blair long before this. When she died, his heart broke, but it held itself together this long so that he could keep the promise he made to Blair: To take care of their daughter. To give her the love and support they never had. To make sure she was happy. And once he was sure she had all of those things and was able to survive without him, his broken, beaten heart stopped fighting for survival so he could finally be where he belonged all along: with Blair.

"Today I can honestly say that Chuck was not only my step-brother, he was my friend. Back in high school I never would have thought I'd say this but..."

A sob broke her voice and she had to take a minute to compose herself.

"I loved Chuck Bass like he was my actual brother and I am going to miss him and his smarmy, inappropriate comments, his cocky attitude and even his condescending smirk every day. Thank you."

After Aunt Serena spoke I wanted to say something for my dad. I got up to the microphone and began:

"I always knew my dad missed my mom. I don't remember what he was like before her death, but I could just tell that he wasn't whole without her. It was obvious from the way his eyes would shine and his face would light up when he talked about her. Or the way he would get a distant look on his face when I would say something, do something, or wear something that would remind him of her. Or in the way he would never even glance at other women when we were at a party or a restaurant, no matter how much they threw themselves at him. But it was especially in the way he would always, without fail, take the day off on her birthday and on the day she died, letting me stay home from school so we could go visit her grave and then just sit at home the rest of the day and watch old Audrey Hepburn movies and eat the pumpkin pie that we would make from her father's old recipe.

"My father made sure my life was nothing but happy, but I could tell there was nothing he wanted more than to be with my mom again. After he passed away I found a box of letters he wrote to my mom after she died. After reading them, and seeing how hard it was for him to get through a day without her, or how he would visit her grave everyday during his lunch hour, or how he constantly doubted his ability as a father, or how hard it was for him to look at me without remembering her, I realized that while I am going to miss him every day for the rest of my life, I'm actually happy for him. I don't need him anymore. He raised me to be confident, independent, and strong. I am happy and healthy. I have a wonderful job and a great husband. I don't need him. I would love to still have him here with me, for when I need help in my professional life, or when I need to figure out how to deal with my husband who is so much like my father was, or when I just need someone to back me up without question. I know I am the only thing that held my father to this world, and yet at first I still wished he would have stayed with me, because let's face it, I am half Waldorf and half Bass so of course I am selfish."

Everyone smiled as I paused to wipe a few tears from my cheeks before I continued.

"Despite that desire, my father raised me right, which I know might be quite shocking to many of you, and I think that after 20 years of sacrifice for me it is about time that he gets to be where he needs and deserves to be: with my mother."

-----

After the funeral, I was sitting in the Palace bar, where my mother and father had so many memories, with a martini in front of me, just thinking. Aunt Serena had told me earlier that after my mother died, a lot of reporters talked about how in the long run it was probably the best thing that could happen to my father, because of his playboy history and her fiery temper, they were bound to end up divorced and she would take half of his wealth with her.

But after living with my father for the 20 years after Blair's death, I know that he had not been better off without her. Sure they fought and they both had their faults, but together they were explosive. They came together to create these wonderful fireworks that kept both of them alive. Without my mother's fire to spark with his own, Chuck's flame had slowly dimmed until it was almost impossible to detect.

As Ryan came over to join me and get me up to head home, I came to the realization that a love like my parents was once in a lifetime. I'd like to think that Ryan and I have even a fraction of the love that my parents had. My father thought we did. Before my wedding, Serena told me how she had thought my father had pushed me and Ryan together. She said that she had known my father had always wanted me to date Ryan, and she confronted him about it. She said "I told him, 'You can't make them into you and Blair. You can't just force that kind of love' and he just looked at me with the condescending smirk of his and said 'I don't need to force anything. They already have it. Without the games and the insecurity. I wouldn't want to make them into me and Blair; they're already better.'"

I don't know if I can agree with that, knowing what I did about my parents. Their love was the kind of love you see in the movies, or read in books; the kind of love you find in fairytales. It was the kind of love that seems made up; that people claim can't possibly exist in real life.

It was the kind of love that didn't make sense to an outsider. It wasn't rational, it wasn't sweet. But while it might have confused you, it still made you a little happier to see the true love that just radiated off them.

Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. Their love may not have played out like a fairytale or a movie, but it was the kind of love that we all envy and all search for. It was the kind of love that we all desire to possess.

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A/N: So that's it. I was thinking of doing one more short chapter after this, but I'm not sure about it. Maybe if enough people ask about it, I might add it, I'm not sure though.

Thanks to everyone whose been reading and who took the time to review, especially TriGemini, all your comments and feedback was amazingness. Thanks so much! :)


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